How To Celebrate The Holidays On Hospice
The nostalgia and spirit of the holiday season offer a special opportunity for patients on hospice and their family members to find meaningful ways to spend time together – even if that means shifting and adjusting the morning holiday celebration itinerary.
Holiday gatherings and family traditions offer the ideal window through which healing, processing, and the making of priceless memories can take place. Despite the mixed emotions and complexities, there are many ways to celebrate the holidays on hospice.Holidays On Hospice: 6 Ideas to Create Meaning, Memories, and Joy
Also, please know it’s perfectly normal and expected to feel a deep sense of sadness or grief as you approach the holidays with a spouse or close family member on hospice. For many, it will be the last time you get to connect and share age-old traditions. Resist the urge to “fake it” or act like things are other than they are. Your sadness and grief are anchored in love, history, and shared connection. Those feelings may also reflect emotions unprocessed or words unspoken. Therefore, we invite you to view the holiday season as a powerful portal you can enter to connect with a loved one in hospice in deep and meaningful ways. Here are some of our suggestions for how to celebrate the holidays on hospice.Remain attuned to the needs of the one on hospice
Depending on where someone is at in their journey with hospice, they may be raring to go, taking advantage of every waking minute. OR, they may be in their last weeks or months, often indicated by a greater need to sleep, withdraw from the outside world, and spend quiet time in inward reflection. This status can change rapidly, or without warning, so the main goal is to remain attuned – and in tune – with how your loved one is feeling. Your hospice team is a fantastic resource, and our nurses, volunteers, and other staff members can help you assess what makes the most sense for this year’s holiday planning.Scale it down to the most important parts
One of the most important things to remember is that people on hospice are typically chair- and/or housebound. Things slow down, and loud, boisterous, or fast-paced activities are challenging. Hospice patients tend to tire more easily and need far more sleep in between energy bursts. With that in mind, ask what parts of the holiday celebration appeal most to them and then find ways to create a scaled-down version. This may look different depending on the person’s favorite holiday traditions, who is local and who’s not, or where they’re living (people in a hospice house setting have different options than those living at home). For example, it may make more sense to:- Bring parts of the holiday traditions to the one you love, rather than going to heroic efforts to bring them to events or places that cannot accommodate their current needs.
- Check in with your loved one and their primary caregivers (or hospice team) to learn which times of the day are best for activities. Family events/plans may need to shift this year to accommodate when mom or grandad are most likely to feel social.
- Bring them one or two of their favorite parts of the holiday meal rather than a full meal (waning appetite is very common, and forcing food can create problems for a body that is no longer able to digest and process it anymore).
- Using video chat and hangout options to connect with out-of-town loved ones or to connect to the group events at specific times. Keep in-person visits solely to those requested by the patient.
- Add a few meaningful holiday decorations (preferably the ones they request or ask for) rather than creating a space that is visually overstimulating. Consider using dimmers to keep lights ambient rather than exciting.
- Work together going over old photos and albums, organizing and labeling them if key names or dates are missing. This can be a wonderful way for those on hospice to process their lives, share stories you haven’t heard before, or mend old rifts or wounds.
- Have people write letters saying all they’ve always wanted to say to be read as your loved one is able over the course of the holiday season.
Don’t focus on a single day (flexibility is key)
As we touched on above, the status of a person on hospice is ever-changing. Some days may sound good in theory, but then one rough night or a series of bad days can make it impossible for your loved one to participate the way they want. Flexibility is key, and everyone involved should be prepared to surrender their set intentions to what may need to happen instead. Scheduling little things that can easily fit into a window of days is better than putting all of your holiday eggs in one day’s basket. Nobody should take it personally if a plan or event can’t occur. This is the way it goes sometimes, and the ability to flow with it provides the most ease for everyone involved.Prioritize calm over chaos when celebrating holidays on hospice
Again, things move slower on hospice, and odds are your loved one now dwells in a much quieter mode of existence. Leave the chaos and excitement of the holidays for other locations and bring the more peaceful, calm, and rejuvenating traditions to the ones celebrating the holidays in a hospice setting. This is especially true for anyone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, or who is not as coherent as normal. Calm and soothing is always best, but feel free to pep things up if your loved one is feeling energetic or requests specific activities.Being there in silence may be the best gift you can give
Don’t underestimate the power of being present and spending time with someone you love in mostly silence. You can create a playlist of your loved one’s favorite holiday songs to play softly in the background. They may also enjoy sitting together and rewatching their favorite holiday movies (or home movies). Don’t be surprised or take it personally if they drift in and out of consciousness, as sleep is the time when those who are dying process their lives and make peace with what’s behind them – as well as what’s ahead. Use this time to quietly and concisely express anything you feel needs to be said and invite them to do the same. These conversations can be remarkably healing and are one of the most important labors of love at the end of a person’s life.Don’t forget about your loved one’s everyday care needs
Again, the hospice team and caregivers are a wealth of support. However, it’s not uncommon for families to take over the reins to have private quality time with their loved ones and give caregivers the chance to spend the holidays with their families. Regardless, it’s easy to forget that those on hospice have different care needs than they used to:- Regularly check in to ask if they need anything or offer breaks/rest periods.
- Do they have access to regular privacy to use the bedside commode, or have their adult incontinence briefs changed?
- Are you allowing them enough time to rest in between visits or any activity?
- Are people respecting their lack of interest in eating or drinking so they don’t become physically uncomfortable or ill?
- Is someone setting a timer for medication reminders?
- Have they spent far longer than usual out in the living room or sitting upright? Give them time to lie down and rest again.